Instant Gratification + Delayed Consequences = BIG PROBLEMS.
I think this formula is the major contributing factor as to why so many people are overweight. The consequence of the choices we make don't show up immediately. They take longer... they creep up on you.... And then, when they start showing up, they have so much momentum that they are sometimes very difficult to gain control over.
Let's face it; there are no immediate consequences to eating unhealthy food. There just isn't. It tastes good, It's usually inexpensive, and it's convenient and readily accessible. Unhealthy food would be freakin perfect... if it wasn't so... well... unhealthy.
You know, if it didn't KILL people.
If you felt a sharp bolt of pain every time you ate something unhealthy, would you continue to eat things you shouldn't? Probably not. But, we all know that the unhealthy things we choose to eat now can cause serious health problems (and even pain), a few years down the road, right? So why in the hell do we still eat them?
If we could only find the discipline to work slow & steady towards a healthy body, regardless of results, we would be much healthier people. But unfortunately, we aren't wired that way. We want instant results. We aren't happy unless we lose five pounds per week. We want that instant gratification when it comes to our efforts, to match the instant gratification we felt when we put ourselves into this mess. Well, guess what? It doesn't work that way.
We are so programmed to be on diets and to expect to lose weight rapidly, that we think that not losing a great deal of weight every single week feels like a failure. If you don't think it is that hard-wired into our culture, tell someone that you're on a diet. If their first question isn't "Which diet are you on?", I'll buy you a Snickers bar.
So, what's the fix? Hell if know. But i do know that I am more successful when I am not looking for quick-fix, silver bullet diets, and I just focus on one day at a time, trying not to eat stuff I know will hurt me in the long run. When they ask (and they WILL ask), tell them you are on the "Stop eating crap I shouldn't be eating, and trying to exercise as much as i can" diet. Odds are, they've never heard of it. It isn't very popular... sounds too much like hard work.
Hold yourself accountable for those delayed consequences NOW, and they can't sneak up on you later.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
The flip of a switch.
You can't just "flip a switch" and become the person you want to be. It just doesn't happen that way. The fact of the matter is, that most people don't even know the kind of person they want to be. That's the first thing to figure out.
Once you have that and you know the direction you want to head, you need a plan. You don't just "start" being that person. It won't work. You need to chop away at it with a lot of little baby-steps. You don't get to be the person you want to be until you start doing the kinds of things that person would do.
Act as if.
Act as if you already are that person, and do a few things every month that you've laid out and planned to do, to get to that place. That is the only way it will work. That is the only way to become that person. Just going all out and totally changing every single one of your behaviors will only work for a very short time. Your body will flat-out reject it. If you want a lasting, genuine transformation, it is going to take some work. And anything worth undertaking is worth putting some work into. If it were as easy as flipping a switch, we
would all be perfect people, working at our perfect jobs, with our perfect bodies and our perfect families.
You want it? put some effort into it.
Once you have that and you know the direction you want to head, you need a plan. You don't just "start" being that person. It won't work. You need to chop away at it with a lot of little baby-steps. You don't get to be the person you want to be until you start doing the kinds of things that person would do.
Act as if.
Act as if you already are that person, and do a few things every month that you've laid out and planned to do, to get to that place. That is the only way it will work. That is the only way to become that person. Just going all out and totally changing every single one of your behaviors will only work for a very short time. Your body will flat-out reject it. If you want a lasting, genuine transformation, it is going to take some work. And anything worth undertaking is worth putting some work into. If it were as easy as flipping a switch, we
would all be perfect people, working at our perfect jobs, with our perfect bodies and our perfect families.
You want it? put some effort into it.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Quality Time
Earlier this week, my 11 year old son informed me that there was a movie he wanted to see, and that he thought it would be pretty cool if he and I went to see it together. There was a catch, of course; he wanted to see the midnight showing. My first thoughts were that we both had to be up very early the next day, and that we both usually fell asleep every night at about 9:00. It just seemed like it would be more of a hassle than it would be worth, just to see the re-release of a movie that we had actually both already seen. So, I sort of agreed that it would be cool, without actually committing to actually going to the movie. This is one of my common tactics, and something I need to work on. Stalling instead of committing.
So, today rolls around and he calls me when he gets home from school, and reminded me that the premiere was tonight and asked if we were going. I used the tactic again, and told him we would have to look when I got home to see if we could still get tickets. He said ok, and we ended the call; but I definitely picked up on the disappointment in his voice. He recognized this tactic, and knew that it probably meant we wouldn't actually follow through and go to that midnight movie. Hearing that in his voice, and realizing the reputation I was building in his eyes of myself was a pretty big wake up call. I got online an purchased the tickets in about 5 minutes.
That's all it took to change a habit. A few minutes, to just stop and make a change and start following through with the things I say I want to do. It seems so simple.
Here's the kicker. I was so convinced that we would both probably fall asleep in the movie... But we didn't. We both stayed up, wide awake, enjoying the movie, but more than that, we were enjoying each other's company. There are so few moments in life that are worthy of looking back and really treasuring; and that is our fault for not consciously making the decision to go out and create these moments for ourselves, instead of just waiting for them to happen to us.
I know this is a night that I will look back and remember for a very long time. Quality time. Quality time that I made the conscious decision to create and share with my son.
Funny, on the surface, it was just a movie... but in reality, it turned out to be a memory of time spent with someone I treasure. It won't be long until he's moved out, doing his own thing, and I will wish I would've realized this sooner.
Please take it from me... Make time to create memories with the people you love. You only get so much time.
And another day is gone.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Be careful what you ask for.
We all need truth-tellers. How could we ever expect to improve, without the help of some courageous friends that will brave the awkwardness and tell us what we might not want to hear? If we TRULY want to get better, these people are a crucial component of that process.
We want the truth... We want someone that is willing to tell us when we have a piece of spinach stuck in our teeth, if our zipper is unzipped, or if we have a habit that is bad for us, offends others, or is curbing our own personal growth.
Well, we SAY that is what we want. But what happens when someone tells you something that really, truly, deeply hurts? Thousands of years of genetic conditioning exposes itself in a millisecond, and we get DEFENSIVE. It is our body's natural programming. Attack brings the need for a defense. Right?
It's important to program yourself to consider the sender's intentions. Are they sending you this information out of love? Don't miss the importance of this. Could you imagine finally building enough trust in a relationship that someone feels comfortable enough to bring you this awkward, but valuable feedback, only to have it met with defensiveness and apprehension?
My challenge to you is to find more truth-tellers. Find people that care enough about you to tell you the TRUTH, even when it is awkward. But, be careful what you ask for. It will hurt, and you will feel the need to defend yourself.
Instead, ask them to tell you more.
We want the truth... We want someone that is willing to tell us when we have a piece of spinach stuck in our teeth, if our zipper is unzipped, or if we have a habit that is bad for us, offends others, or is curbing our own personal growth.
Well, we SAY that is what we want. But what happens when someone tells you something that really, truly, deeply hurts? Thousands of years of genetic conditioning exposes itself in a millisecond, and we get DEFENSIVE. It is our body's natural programming. Attack brings the need for a defense. Right?
It's important to program yourself to consider the sender's intentions. Are they sending you this information out of love? Don't miss the importance of this. Could you imagine finally building enough trust in a relationship that someone feels comfortable enough to bring you this awkward, but valuable feedback, only to have it met with defensiveness and apprehension?
My challenge to you is to find more truth-tellers. Find people that care enough about you to tell you the TRUTH, even when it is awkward. But, be careful what you ask for. It will hurt, and you will feel the need to defend yourself.
Instead, ask them to tell you more.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
One Life To LIve
The way i see it, you get one life, and about 100 years to do what you want with it. I dont have to tell you that there are countless numbers of different paths you can choose, or that you can even do what many others on this planet choose to do, which is to choose no path at all. They are just sort of "wandering the earth", so to speak.
Some people are driven by adding value to their own lives, and some people are driven by adding value to the lives of others. Even still, there are those that are not driven by anything... at least nothing that they've discovered yet. A common misconception is that you can "motivate" someone else. It isnt entirely a misconception, because you can "motivate" someone to do something, but motivation is temporary. DRIVE is permanent. Motivation comes from others, and drive comes from within. There truly are no limits within each human being, besides the limits that they unknowingly set for themselves. You have seen it first hand, i guarantee it. A child trying to learn to ride a bike, that keeps saying "i can't do it", or a person that says "I am trying to quit smoking", instead of "I quit smoking". That may seem like such a small difference in the choice of words, but it is a window to our subconscious, and we are leading ourselves to defeat, telling ourselves we will fail, before we ever even have a chance to succeed. Every little choice of words makes a difference you wouldnt imagine... Just like the difference between motivation and drive.
Another seemingly small difference is the contrast between 'want', and 'desire'. Simply wanting somethng is not enough. In fact, it is almost a guarantee that you wont get it. However, those individuals who have a Burning Desire for what they want, will stop at nothing until they get it.
Consider all of the time we get in our lives, and we spend so much of it on our jobs, our homes, our material things... yet we spend so little time, if any, investing in ourselves. Taking the time and effort to improve ourselves, making our lives better, and therefore making ourselves happier is the singlemost important investment we could ever make.
We are all wired pretty much the same, physically; but mentally we are all constructed very, very differently. As i said before, some people are driven by adding value to the lives of others... doctors, nurses, pastors, firemen, teachers, guidance counselors... They all find happiness and fulfillment within themselves by helping protect and improve the lives of others. They add value to the lives of others, and generally make the world a better place. Now, this isnt to say that people who are generally driven by adding value to their own lives cannot make the world a better place also. Many do... Celebrities, athletes, musicians, entrepeneurs... the world would be a pretty boring and mundane place without them.
Who wants to be one of the people going through life "sleepwalking", and contributing nothing? Choose a path, and begin! In my opinion, nothing feels better than having a burning desire for something and then see yourself getting closer and closer to it every day. You have to add value. That is why you are here.
That is your purpose.
Some people are driven by adding value to their own lives, and some people are driven by adding value to the lives of others. Even still, there are those that are not driven by anything... at least nothing that they've discovered yet. A common misconception is that you can "motivate" someone else. It isnt entirely a misconception, because you can "motivate" someone to do something, but motivation is temporary. DRIVE is permanent. Motivation comes from others, and drive comes from within. There truly are no limits within each human being, besides the limits that they unknowingly set for themselves. You have seen it first hand, i guarantee it. A child trying to learn to ride a bike, that keeps saying "i can't do it", or a person that says "I am trying to quit smoking", instead of "I quit smoking". That may seem like such a small difference in the choice of words, but it is a window to our subconscious, and we are leading ourselves to defeat, telling ourselves we will fail, before we ever even have a chance to succeed. Every little choice of words makes a difference you wouldnt imagine... Just like the difference between motivation and drive.
Another seemingly small difference is the contrast between 'want', and 'desire'. Simply wanting somethng is not enough. In fact, it is almost a guarantee that you wont get it. However, those individuals who have a Burning Desire for what they want, will stop at nothing until they get it.
Consider all of the time we get in our lives, and we spend so much of it on our jobs, our homes, our material things... yet we spend so little time, if any, investing in ourselves. Taking the time and effort to improve ourselves, making our lives better, and therefore making ourselves happier is the singlemost important investment we could ever make.
We are all wired pretty much the same, physically; but mentally we are all constructed very, very differently. As i said before, some people are driven by adding value to the lives of others... doctors, nurses, pastors, firemen, teachers, guidance counselors... They all find happiness and fulfillment within themselves by helping protect and improve the lives of others. They add value to the lives of others, and generally make the world a better place. Now, this isnt to say that people who are generally driven by adding value to their own lives cannot make the world a better place also. Many do... Celebrities, athletes, musicians, entrepeneurs... the world would be a pretty boring and mundane place without them.
Who wants to be one of the people going through life "sleepwalking", and contributing nothing? Choose a path, and begin! In my opinion, nothing feels better than having a burning desire for something and then see yourself getting closer and closer to it every day. You have to add value. That is why you are here.
That is your purpose.
Life Metabolism
If you ask any doctor, nutritionist, or personal trainer, you will find that they all agree on at least one thing. When you are trying to get into great shape and perform at your best, one thing is key... A good breakfast. If you are gearing up for a big day, that breakfast is the fuel your body needs to attack whatever task you have in store for it. If your goal is to lose weight, then that healthy breakfast stokes the fires of your metabolism and gets it moving in high gear. Regardless of what your day holds in store for you, giving your body that supply of fuel and jolt of energy stacks the deck in your favor.
I think that this applies to our day as much as it does our health. The first hour can set the tone for your entire day. What do you do to hit the ground running? Do you come in from 8am-9am and just attack your day? Do you make it a mission to check off as many tasks as you can in the first hour of your day? Do you stoke your work metabolism? Or do you do the opposite? Do you come in at 8am and wander to the work kitchen and make your coffee? Stop in at a friends office and talk about what you did the night before? Talk about upcoming weekend plans? Do you find yourself sitting down to your first task or phone call at 8:30 or 8:45? Do you prefer a soft rolling start to a hard start at the 8am bell? Do you have a "stack" of tasks that you've been putting off? Do you save stuff you dread for the end of the day? Do those ever slip over to the stack for tomorrow?
What if I am a soft starter? Is that bad? What if I start slowly and gear up gradually, and i still produce acceptable results? Does that make me a less valuable employee? No... I don't think this makes you less valuable... but I DO think that you are robbing yourself of seeing your true potential. Is it ok to be average? Sure. Most people are. (that's true by definition, right?)... But how about you try pushing your limits a little, and striving to be GREAT instead of just GOOD?
We spend a lot of time trying to figure out the magic formula, But there isn't one. You need DRIVE. Good old fashioned hard work is usually the answer. And the way you start your day may be the key.
I think that this applies to our day as much as it does our health. The first hour can set the tone for your entire day. What do you do to hit the ground running? Do you come in from 8am-9am and just attack your day? Do you make it a mission to check off as many tasks as you can in the first hour of your day? Do you stoke your work metabolism? Or do you do the opposite? Do you come in at 8am and wander to the work kitchen and make your coffee? Stop in at a friends office and talk about what you did the night before? Talk about upcoming weekend plans? Do you find yourself sitting down to your first task or phone call at 8:30 or 8:45? Do you prefer a soft rolling start to a hard start at the 8am bell? Do you have a "stack" of tasks that you've been putting off? Do you save stuff you dread for the end of the day? Do those ever slip over to the stack for tomorrow?
What if I am a soft starter? Is that bad? What if I start slowly and gear up gradually, and i still produce acceptable results? Does that make me a less valuable employee? No... I don't think this makes you less valuable... but I DO think that you are robbing yourself of seeing your true potential. Is it ok to be average? Sure. Most people are. (that's true by definition, right?)... But how about you try pushing your limits a little, and striving to be GREAT instead of just GOOD?
We spend a lot of time trying to figure out the magic formula, But there isn't one. You need DRIVE. Good old fashioned hard work is usually the answer. And the way you start your day may be the key.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Life isn't fair.
Ask anyone who has been on any of my teams over the last 10 years, and you will learn that there are no three words that will agitate me faster than "that's not fair". That is usually when I throw out my favorite quote from The Princess Bride, when Wesley tells Princess Buttercup, "Life is pain, Highness; anyone who tells you different is selling something."
The truth of the matter is, life isn't supposed to be fair. It's a gift. Saying that life isn't fair isn't very different than winning the lottery and then bitching because they paid you in $100 bills. It's a good problem to have. Life is also.
Today my family is getting ready to attend the funeral of my wife's dear Aunt Nancy. We gave our son the option of going or passing. He decided that if he didn't go, he would regret it. That's a pretty grown up decision for an 11 year old. Facing some temporary pain today to prevent greater pain down the road. It made me proud.
Aunt Nancy lived a fine life. She was sarcastic and witty, but at the same time, loving and caring. In the 12 years I knew her, I never once heard her complain that something wasn't fair. She rolled with what life dealt her, and made a fine life of it. At age 68 she was struck with dementia, and at age 69 she was gone, just like that. That sure doesn't sound fair to me; but even going through the battle of dementia, sweet Aunt Nancy didn't complain.
If you aren't happy with your life, have a few strong words with the person in charge of it. Start living your life as if you have very little of it left. Because the truth is, that gets more true every day.
God bless Aunt Nancy.
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